By Rachel P. Vines, LPC-S, RPT-S
Kids today often encounter a variety of disasters through several types of media. Whether it’s acts of terrorism in the U.S. or abroad, mass shootings, or mental illness, these stories get more coverage in the news and on social media than ever before.
How should you talk to your kids about these disasters? Because most kids own a cell phone, are exposed to TV and social media, and go to school with older kids, learning about these disasters often can’t be avoided.
Be prepared to talk to your kids about disasters. The last thing you want is for them to surprise you with questions you’re not ready to answer.
Here are a few tips:
Vent elsewhere before talking to your kids. It’s important to be aware of your own emotions and thoughts before speaking to your children. Vent to your friends, parents, pastor, or counselor. Not to your child. For a child to cope in a healthy way with tragic events, they need to feel safe and secure. It’s your job as a parent to provide that security. Listen to them, tell them you love them, and remind them they are safe. Your kids ultimately will see the world through your eyes and will pick up on your emotions and make them their own.
Be prepared not to know the answer. Before talking to your kids, know what you want them to take away from the conversation. Accept that you may not be able to answer some of their questions. It’s OK to tell them, “I don’t know,” or to keep coming back to your key message.
Validate your kids. Your kids need to hear that their feelings are normal. You can help them feel safe by creating an open and supportive environment where they can ask questions and talk about their thoughts and feelings. They will lead you through the conversation. Let them ask questions and reassure them their emotions are normal and healthy.
Create activities to do together. The best activity a parent can do with their child is to spend time with them. Have a family game night, go on picnics, play sports, draw a picture, or write a letter. Create and sustain household routines that the child can rely on. Remain open and receptive to your children’s feelings and engage in conversation, but don’t bombard them with questions or insist that they feel a certain way.
There are storybooks parents can read with kids to help them understand and process everything from loss of a pet or a parent to dealing with disasters. If a child has not been able to process the event naturally within a few months and continue to grieve, it is important to seek individual or family counseling. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has good information online for parents and teachers to help children cope.
Give adolescents time and space. It’s normal for adolescents to withdraw and want space. Teenage girls may tend to be sad and reserved in this situation while teen boys tend to act out more in anger and aggression. Give them this space, but also be diligent to watch their behavior and watch for certain signs that they need intervention. Watch for withdrawal from school and friends, loss of appetite, changes in sleep, and other red flags that signal a need to seek help from a pediatrician or other medical professional.
Rachel P. Vines is a Licensed Counselor and a Registered Play Therapist. She has worked with Baylor Scott and White since February but has been counseling in the B/CS area since 2008.
